125. Brave Boundaries with Dr. Sasha Shillcutt

Sep 7

You need to start setting better boundaries. Boundaries help prevent burnout and resentment, even when you’re doing something that you love. I’m joined by my friend, Dr. Sasha Shillcutt, on the release of her new book, Brave Boundaries, to talk about the steps to take to start setting boundaries in your life: both with yourself and other people.

How to Set Boundaries

Take a boundary inventory - write a list of everything you do
Start from the bottom - stop doing things you don’t like to do for free
Move to the middle - stop doing paid things you don’t like

Listen to Episode 125 Here

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About Dr. Sasha Shillcutt

My friend, Dr. Sasha Shillcutt, has a new book that I think you would all find life-changing.

In her book Brave Boundaries, Sasha utilizes practical and powerful tools, concepts, and exercises, to invite you into an empowering and peaceful way of life. She shares personal and professional expertise on how you can overcome burnout and take back control of your time and your life by learning to set clear work-life boundaries.

She examines the hopeless cycle of self-criticism, the social expectation of what a woman “should” be, and the incessant drive to please. Then, she guides you down the path of discovering who you were created to be by helping you take a boundary inventory. I encourage you to purchase it HERE!

Set Boundaries to Avoid Burnout

Dr. Sasha Shillcutt is here on the exciting release of her book, Brave Boundaries, to talk about why we, as women, need to start setting boundaries to avoid burnout. Sasha shares how she burned out in 2019 by doing the work she loves to do – I think this is so important to note. You can still burn out doing what you love to do.

This is why it’s vital that you set boundaries, especially if those boundaries are with yourself. I know all too well that when you love to do something, you might be way more flexible with your boundary. And this is what leads to burnout or resentment.

What exactly is a boundary? Sasha says that a boundary is something that allows you to live your priorities and have your priorities match your calendar. This is both with yourself and with others.

Setting Boundaries with Others

Not sure how to set your boundaries? Sasha says to start by writing a list, with your paid commitments and priorities at the top all the way down to what you do for free. Start setting boundaries from the bottom of your list and work your way up.

It might be difficult to set boundaries with other people. You might experience something Sasha calls boundary backlash. She explains that this pushback on your boundaries usually comes from people who never thought about setting boundaries for themselves – you haven’t done anything wrong if you’ve received boundary backlash from someone!

We both agree that it’s so special to find a friend who respects your boundaries with ease. These friends are like gold dust; I really feel like you can exhale around them. Hold onto these friends, and don’t let them go!

If you’re struggling to set boundaries in your life, write down a list of everything you do like Sasha suggests. Start by setting a boundary with the bottom thing on your list. How does this feel? Let me know in the comments below what this experience was like.

In This Episode

How something positive that you enjoy can lead to burnout [2:30]
The importance of setting boundaries [3:30]
What a boundary is [4:30]
How to set a boundary with other people [8:00]
What happens when you receive boundary backlash [12:00]
Why it’s important to have close friends who understand your boundaries [22:00]
How to handle friendship that crosses your boundaries [24:30]
Why you need to have boundaries around every group [28:00]

Quotes

“It’s almost like a cycle. I found myself again, in 2019, right before the pandemic, totally burned out, realizing and wondering how I got to this place again. Instead of negative things burning me out, it was all these positive things.” [3:00]

“Anything good in your life can become a drain on you and become toxic if you don’t have boundaries around it.” [3:29]

“We have to respect one another’s boundaries. There are going to be people in your life that you literally have to tell a boundary to 100 times. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong or you’re doing anything wrong; it just hasn’t clicked in their brain. It has nothing to do with you.” [9:58]

“The boundary backlash comes especially for people who never themselves thought, ‘well why can’t I set boundaries?’ These people are afraid of your empowerment, they’re afraid of your agency. When you say that you’re not doing that when other women said they would for free, you are showing your power, and that is offensive to people who don’t have their power. You might get backlash. It’s okay, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Set the boundary, toughen up a little, you can handle backlash.” [11:59]

“It doesn’t matter how good you are at it; no one is going to pay you for work you’re doing for free until you stop doing it. Until you say that you’re not doing it anymore.” [16:35]

“Find your friend you can exhale with.” [26:36]